Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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