i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
