i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
