How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
