garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
