That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
