hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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