I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I party with great urgency now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
