A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
