(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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