I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
