It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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