It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
