I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
