Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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