no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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