I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
