yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
