I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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