I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
