Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
