Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
