I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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