When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize