Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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