took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
