Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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