I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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