When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize