she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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