my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
