end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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