totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize