So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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