i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
