it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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