Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
