Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
