I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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