i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
