just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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