I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
