Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
