Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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