you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize