I wish my penis had an off switch
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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