Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
