I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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