I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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