Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
