i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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