he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
