theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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