just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
