im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
