Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will be naked everywhere
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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