just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
