God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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