yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
