New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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