Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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