Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
