I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
